A House Is Not A Home (1971)

Tom was beside himself with grief.

So you have. So you have.

We all know I won't make it through the night.

So I'm going to put it all your minds at ease by reading my will now.

Also beside himself were Mary, Sherry, Terry, and Hazel.

As a sole surviving member of my family, he will naturally take over the business.

And you girls, for undying loyalty and service in the field, will receive 25% of a take instead of the usual 10.

I know, that's probably what killed me.

But it's too late now.

It's almost over for me.

I really hate to leave all this.

The morning was terrible to behold.

They blubbered their bereavement and supplicated to the gods,

but no amount of supplication would bear response.

Old Diamond James kicked the bucket, er, panned.

It was a gloomy day when old Diamond James Slater passed away.

He had known splendor, but times, as times sometimes do, wiped him nearly clean.

His once splendid empire now consisted of one house of ill repute.

...